fbpx
 
Connect with us

Let us know how we can help you, and we will get back with you as soon as we can!

    I"m interested in learning more about:

    Blog Post

    Tips for Taming Opposition

    Those tweens and teens with oppositional behavior pose a unique challenge to parents. These parents must learn to view their child from a whole different perspective. The key is to understand where the behavior is coming from and to be prepared to handle hostile or defiant actions. Read on — and remember, when it comes to school work — we can help!

    “No!”

    It might have been endearing as your child’s first word, but dread often kicks in when that word starts to follow parental requests. Experiencing resistance to small or big asks? Stuck in arguments that seem to go in circles and leave you exasperated with unmet requests? The good news is that this pattern can be disrupted. First, you’ll need to identify reasons behind the opposition. Then you can apply relevant strategies to see more helpful behaviors instead.

    Below are some examples of opposition drivers and tips to address them.

    If you find that your child resists a request right after engaging in an activity, it might be that your child first needs time to transition. This can be a common experience when parents make requests while children are playing video games or another stimulating activity. One way to manage this is to give your child a five- or 10-minute heads-up (whichever they might need) that you will be asking for the game to stop. This gives your child time to find a place to pause if playing a video game and to transition.

    Some families find it helpful to talk with their children before playtime begins to learn what game or activities will be taking place, and how much advance notice might be helpful before the activity would need to stop. This invites collaboration and shows that you respect that not all moments are ideal for stopping a game.

    Independent streak

    Children almost never are in control, and resistance can show up when that wears on them. Try to fold in elements of choice and control throughout the day for children (that are within a framework you determine) to create more of a balance with your requests. Perhaps you let a young child know that they will need to wear long sleeves and pants because of the weather, but they can pick which top and pair of pants to wear that day. Another idea is to invite your child to pick a side dish for a future dinner from a pre-made list of a few options.

    It also helps to create opportunities for your child to practice being independent. This fosters mastery and offers experiences of feeling in control. This could look like your child preparing any parts of meals that are age-appropriate (for example, a three-year-old could pour cereal into a bowl; a five-year-old could measure ingredients for baking). The kitchen counter may be extra sticky as your child learns new skills. With time, your child will be more adept, and your counters will be cleaner.

    Hunger and tiredness

    We need both food and sleep to recharge our batteries. When we run low on either or both, it’s extra difficult to be our best selves. If you find that your child is crankier than usual, reflect on when your child last ate and how your child slept the night before (or napped if your child is of napping age). If it’s been a while since your child has eaten and/or your child did not sleep as much as usual, your child may need to recharge before being more receptive to requests. Have your child grab a healthy snack or meal if needed. If sleep is the issue, validate to yourself that this is frustrating that there is no quick fix. Acknowledge privately they are not their usual self at this moment and may be more receptive tomorrow.

    Resistance also may crop up when children are coming down with a viral illness, so keep an eye out for any symptoms that may emerge.

    Mental health challenges

    Everyone has off days, but a persistent pattern of resistance to requests and distress following them may suggest that a child is experiencing mental health difficulties. For example, if a child appears oppositional every morning before school, it could be that they experience anxiety about going to school and are trying to avoid the distress they experience when there. In this case, it is important to ignore the “no” bait and focus on the emotion behind the refusal. Validate or acknowledge how your child is feeling to open the door to learn more. For example, you could say, “You seem really worried about going to school. What about school has been so tough lately?”

    Use a similar approach for symptoms of depression, such as withdrawing from and refusing to engage in activities: validate your child’s feelings and invite your child to share more to help you understand their experiences. Discovering what is driving the resistance can allow you to develop a collaborative plan to support your child’s needs and get extra help if needed. Cognitive behavioral therapy is an evidence-based treatment for children experiencing anxiety and/or depression. Your pediatrician can be a helpful resource for mental health treatment referrals. The Anxiety & Depression Association of America also provides treatment resources.

    Sometimes, oppositional behavior is pervasive. It can include a frequent loss of temper, irritability, difficulty following the rules, defiance of authority figures, spitefulness, and more. If these behaviors occur at home and also show up in other settings, such as at school, a child may be experiencing symptoms of oppositional defiant disorder. Parent training programs such as parent management training, along with problem-solving skills training, are evidence-based treatments, and pediatricians also may be able to provide relevant referrals.

    Your patience understandably can wear thin if you find yourself facing repeated resistance. That experience, though, does not have to continue. You can help shift these patterns once you discover what is driving the “no.”

    We can support you with your student’s learning needs. We can help reduce — or eliminate — the stresses of online classes, SAT/ACT prep, or even just homework. Let us help make things easier for you and your kids. You can find us on Facebook or call us for a complimentary consultation at 561.213.3794.


    Reference: [https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/how-to-address-opposition-in-young-children-202201102666]


    • 05-02-2022

    Success Story

    • “I got 1480: 780 on reading and writing and 700 on math.

      Superscored 1510! Thank you SO much, Barton and Student Den.

      You’ve been such a great help. Let me know when I can start as an EmpowerMate.

      I really owe you one. :)”

      Andrew (AJ) B.
      Boca Raton, FL
    • “If you are looking for SAT prep, I highly recommend the Student Den. My son did SAT prep there and did awesome on his test. One and done! We will be using them for the upcoming college application process. Highly, highly recommend!”

      Loretta G.
      Boca Raton, FL
    • Angelo Questo has been and remains my favorite colleague. His experience brings a wealth of knowledge to any student he works. He highly competent in all areas of school counseling, but his true passion is college advising. He is humorous, compassionate and relatable to all those around him. His reputation is extraordinary and his hard work consistently results in positive student outcomes. I most admire that Angelo incorporates a family approach when working with students; he treats his clients as if they were his own family. That says a lot about his character and the trust he develops with those he works with. I would highly recommend him to any high school student seeking the advice from a man who knows his way around the college landscape.

      Melissa,
      B.S. School Counseling, PhD
    • Mr. Questo has been a tremendous help through the entire college process so far. His connections, competency, experience and advice have gotten me so much farther than the college counselor that is provided by my school. He and I literally spent 4 hours in one session to get as 3 applications completely done. When I left our meeting, I felt relieved that I had finally begun the process of applying to college and will be hearing from the colleges soon. We only have a few more applications and essays to finalize, so I should be done by the middle of October. Thanks to him, I can rest easy knowing that I have represented myself in the best possible light. He is with you every step of the way from essay revisions to application submission. I feel very fortunate to work with Mr. Questo and would definitely recommend him to my friends.

      Samantha
    • Mr. Questo started as my guidance counselor, but ended up becoming much, much more. I would consider him my friend. While he worked at my high school, he was someone I would easily be able to access if I needed help with something academically, socially or emotionally. Without Mr. Questo, my high school experience would have been much more difficult. I was upset to see him retire this year, but knew his work with students was far from over. If you
      decide to work with Mr. Questo, he will totally engage with you and help you attain your college goals. As soon as I began the college application process, I reached out to him and he responded to me immediately. Before I knew it, we had completed 4 applications in which I am now awaiting decisions and it was only the middle of September. He is a firm believer in getting the application in as early as possible. Whatever the question or whatever time of day I always get an answer right away. Mr. Questo has significantly made a difference in my life in many ways, especially with helping me navigate through the college application process. I am very appreciative of his knowledge, expediency, and his concern for my personal well-being. I would enthusiastically recommend him to any high school student seeking admission to college.

      Jake
    • “I got 1480: 780 on reading and writing and 700 on math.

      Superscored 1510! Thank you SO much, Barton and Student Den.

      You’ve been such a great help. Let me know when I can start as an EmpowerMate.

      I really owe you one. :)”

      Andrew (AJ) B.
      Boca Raton, FL
    • “If you are looking for SAT prep, I highly recommend the Student Den. My son did SAT prep there and did awesome on his test. One and done! We will be using them for the upcoming college application process. Highly, highly recommend!”

      Loretta G.
      Boca Raton, FL
    preload imagepreload image